Our need to be seen

By Martina Avanzini

Here I find myself writing again, had closed social media since the summer of last year. Lots of thoughts coming in but mostly an instinct guiding me more clearly, or better said, me listening more clearly.

It was the night after watching the Chris Rock special on Netflix that it hit me. It went something like this… People nowadays are all screaming “look at me” pictures of ourselves, throwbacks of how we looked 10 years ago, pictures of what we eat, what we do, all asking to be seen. This is when it clicked. I was tired of the constant outside approval even though we tell ourselves we don’t care, the moment we post it for the world to see, we kind of do…I told myself I shared on social media to help others, to share what works for me, to share my story. The moment I am posting myself on holiday in New Zealand doing yoga poses with stunning backgrounds am I still sharing for everyone’s sake or am I sharing to be seen?

The deep voice within tells me that it all starts with not being seen enough as children, not being validated enough at home, being shut off with simple statements; “don’t cry, nothing happened, you are all right” “you need to finish your plate, yes you are still hungry finish everything on your plate” very common phrases we keep telling our children. A reflection of how from a young age we are shutting ourselves off. We are learning that how we feel doesn’t matter and that others know best. Our children are telling us most of the time “mom look, dad look, look at me” .The same as us adults asking for that presence but now we do it with thousands of other people on the internet. 

We do it with our friends, partners all the time, they are talking and before you know it we are looking into our phone for what ? We are deciding to not be in the present moment and wow is that stressful. The more I observe it, the more I know how stressful it is to not stay present. 

What that voice is asking for is presence, love, and attention, and how can we do that? 

By reparenting ourselves, by telling our inner child that you are seen, you are heard, you are important. The phrases I often whisper into my youngest’s ears, because I know he needs to hear them between all his siblings taking the front stage, it can happen that we feel unheard and unvalidated. The most important part in this is that we know that even though others are not listening we are listening to ourselves, we are validating ourselves and no one else outside can do that.

This message is to say that we are human and are here to learn but growth is part of the equation or there is no evolution. Now with more consciousness we can decide how to live;

Am I sharing this picture because I want to share or am I doing it because I want to be seen? 

When we live with consciousness we can much better understand what we do, how we do it and for what purpose. 

You are seen,  you are heard, you are important.

With love and kindness


Let me know what you think in the comment bellow